ElleEn’s blog

a. Freedom from sin, moral wrong, or guilt through lack of knowledge of evil.

b. Guiltlessness of a specific legal crime or offense.

c. Freedom from guile, cunning, or deceit; simplicity or artlessness.

d. Lack of worldliness or sophistication; naiveté.

e. Lack of knowledge or understanding; ignorance.

f. Freedom from harmfulness; inoffensiveness.

Thank you www.thefreedictionary.com

If we were to strictly abide by that definition, then it is fair to say that we're all corrupted. I'm not going to copy and paste the definition of corrupt but it's basically the opposite of the above mentioned. We've all been exposed to words, images, acts that have contaminated our brains with desires and unwanted appetites. Ideologies that have stabbed the girl in the white dress off our right shoulder, only to be replaced by the libido man with red horns. Here we are confronted with society's eyes as they watch down on us, judging us. Have you ever laid there masturbating only to be disrupted by a guilt feeling of embarrassment; that your ancestors are watching down on your right.. this very moment? I have. But why do we feel negative about something that's come so naturally? Fuck if I know. All i'm going to do tonight is share some very intimate, candid and personal stories regarding my avenue to the insane and distasteful world, that is, my mind.

It's interesting to see how knowledgeable we've all become over the years. With out sounding all "mother-like", face it, it's true. I look back on certain situations and experience this feeling we refer to as realisation. Still not getting the general gist? Well let me explain by elaborating on stories. I've heard many of my friends divuldge embarrassing stories relating to their incidental exposure to their parents having sex.As a third party, I can't help but laugh at the ordeal but in reality, this occurance has most likely shaped a significant part of their life. Take me for instance. My mum, dad and I used to live in a factory with just 1 bedroom so at a young, tender age of 6, we would all sleep in the same room. I recall waking up numerous times to find my parents on the other side of the room from me, doing the "dirty" to be overt without being graphic. They would quickly respond with "we're just hugging.. go back to sleep" and in my innocent mind, they were just hugging. And I would just fall back asleep. Obviously, they lied. Exposure number 1.

If any of you guys have siblings, then you might be able to relate to my next story. Especially if you've got older brothers. Long story short, I used to browse one of my older brother's computer for new music when he used to live at home, only to come across some enthralling and provocative images and clips. Oh you know exactly which ones i'm referring to. I can't say I was sexually aroused by what my eyes were exposed to, my curious nature led me to continue clicking. It gave me a deeper insight on what potentially was out there. The kinds of porn; straight, lesbian, orgies, 3somes, gangbangs etc. This twelve year old girl had seen so much in so little time, with so little effort. Exposure number 2.

Straight sex has always been such a boring concept to me. I've tried it, explored it and now i'm over it. I wouldn't classify myself as a lesbian but if there was a word implying 80% lesbian, then that's what I would label myself. Being a psychology student, I've thought about the possibilities of how i've become who I am; sexually speaking. Gays often mock the concept of "I didn't just wake up one day and go, wow i'm into girls/ guys"... but the funny thing is, it was kinda like that for me. Prior to experimenting and my first girl on girl experience, it barely crossed my mind that I was into women. Sure, I had a crush on my year 3 teacher who I can still remember the scent of (creepy.. i know) and sure I had numerous crushes on my female friends through out primary school, but who didn't? I found myself burrowing through the tunnels of cyberspace to fill that gap of curiosity. In other words, chatrooms welcomed me with wide open arms. I would sit there on my desktop and honestly chat to randoms from across the world, hours on end. I would talk to lesbians, or people who claimed to be lesbians. Exposure number 3.

So I guess the purpose of this particular blog is to use it as an excuse for my incoherent manner and topics you'll be reading in the coming weeks. A simple, yet semi-justified explanation. Additionally, i'm sure all of you have thought back on your own personal past experiences whether it be walking in on your parents having sex, googling porn etc.That alone makes me smile. So thank you.